Graphs as high-risk groups - drug users, homosexuals, prostitutes, long-distance truckers - instead of regular people. I had only read about them, classified coldly in pie-charts and powder keg, I had never actually knowingly met anyone who was H.I.V.-positive. When I first met him, about 20 years ago, I regarded him with some caution.Įven though I came from India, supposedly a country sitting on an H.I.V. He wrote irate letters to the editor, researched the latest trends in the health care debate and romanced some man he met on the subway - all with equal vigor. He’d worked a string of jobs - in bathhouses and diners, and cleaning people’s He could tell you which bathroom stall at Macy’s was more cruisey than others and between which hours. He was not just gay, he was extravagantly But be careful of those gays.” She could have been warning me about R. When I first moved to San Francisco, a well-meaning aunt said, “It’s a beautiful city. I hardly dared look at myself in the mirror, but I was secretly thrilled. By the time he had finished, the bathroomįloor was covered with clumps of hair and I had a Mohawk that he proceeded to gel into a stiff mane. decided I needed to loosen up a little and took clippers to my head. On a steep San Francisco street with an aging, half-blind Chihuahua and an overweight cat. For the sake of his privacy, I’ll call him R. Years later, I moved in with a friend - a man who shaved his head and plucked his eyebrows into fine arches of perpetual disdain, wore a ballerina’s tutu to a leather street fair with élan and compensatedįor late-night deep-fried apple fritter binges by sprinkling flax seeds on his omelet in the morning. With me since my childhood in India, was the emblem of the well-behaved, well-groomed good boy, and I had carried it diligently into adulthood.
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It was the most daring thing I had ever done to my appearance.
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KOLKATA, INDIA - In the mid ’90s, about five years after I had moved to the United States, I got rid of the part in my hair.
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Private Lives: Personal essays on the news of the world and the news of our lives.